There is No Plan Q, Not Even a Plan B

I have been dealing with epilepsy for 4 months, averaging 2 seizures a day. I expend energy every day trying to find the imaginary pattern to my seizures.

 Do I have a seizure when I sleep less?

Does it happen when I sleep in too late?

What if I drink too much milk?

What about coffee in the afternoon?

Does stress produce seizures?

How about flashing lights?

 The list goes on indefinitely.  Each day I come to the same conclusion – there is no discernible pattern right now. My epilepsy is a part of who I am and is not going away. I can stay up late. I can sleep in. I can drink coffee. I can be stressed. I can watch flashing lights. Or I can avoid all of these things, and it won’t matter.

Until we find the right medication mix there will be seizures. This goes against my natural inclination to be the fixer. I want to solve the problems that are placed before me. My personality is to identify multiple solutions to a scenario and plot the best way forward.

http://flic.kr/p/hELVX

Photo Credit: Pfly(http://flic.kr/p/hELVX)

Most people have a Plan B. I have a Plan Q for everything. But not with my epilepsy. There is not even a Plan A. I just survive, relying upon my God to get me through each day. Relying upon my family to keep me safe. Relying upon my friends to give me encouragement when I need it.

There is no Plan Q. I am learning each day to be more okay with that. I am growing to understand what it means to trust my God more. I am learning how to lean upon my family and friends more deeply. I am learning this is a good place to be.

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13 thoughts on “There is No Plan Q, Not Even a Plan B

  1. michaelbusby1949

    Hi!

    My name is Michael Busby, and I too have epilepsy. I have had it for 56 years. I’m a Christian too, which gives a different perspective on everything, including my epilepsy.
    My seizures are neither complicated or very serious; certainly in comparison with some friends of mine whose epilepsy is way beyond the complications of mine.
    Mine are absence seizures, which means, as you may already know, I don’t fall to the ground and convulse and shake, but I’m just ‘out of it’ for a couple of seconds.
    Now I don’t know about you, but I call that blessed! And you know, I’ve been a Christian for over 50 years and never asked the Lord to cure me! Why? Mainly for two reasons: (1) While I have epilepsy, I need more of His grace, because it is ‘all-sufficient’, and (2) If the Lord did cure me, then I probably wouldn’t rely on His anything like I do now. And I know he knows my heart, and He knows what kind of reaction I would have!
    I have pastored many churches here in the UK and I will say to you what I used to say to my congregations: If you need more grace, ASK FOR IT!!!!
    May the Lord bless you and your family, and ensure you always look upwards!
    Michael.

    Reply
    1. sometimeshope Post author

      Michael,
      Thanks for sharing your story! My daughter primarily has absence seizures so I am very familiar with them.

      I love your biblical perspective on this illness, and can hear your pastoral heart shine through.

      Reply
  2. Michael Busby

    Keeping my epilepsy in Biblical perspective was something I had to learn to do. It was not something that came naturally and it was not always easy to do, even to me as a Christian.
    Bless you!

    Reply
    1. sometimeshope Post author

      I am definitely in the process of doing that right now, Michael. I think my wife and I were making good progress with my daughter’s epilepsy, but we essentially had to start our journey over with my diagnosis. It just came as such an unexpected surprise, and out of left field. Plus, there are so many practical questions it brings up for us that a child simply does not have to worry about.

      I’ve started following your blog now, and I am looking forward to reading more of what you have to say

      Reply
  3. Michael Busby

    You may find these websites useful for information about children with epilepsy:

    http://www.epilepsy.org.uk/info/children/children-with-epilepsy
    http://www.epilepsyfoundation.org/livingwithepilepsy/parentsandcaregivers/parents/index.cfm/
    http://www.webmd.com/epilepsy/guide/caring-child-epilepsy

    I am also a qualified senior children’s playworker and have worked many times with autistic as well as able-bodied children over a 10 year period, and I can say without any doubt that you will find Cynthia such a blessing in your life. Okay, that may seem rather hard to understand right now, but she is in the Lord’s hands and you will be blessed how He will use her!

    …And thanks for following the blog. If you wanna leave a comment anytime, feel free to do so!

    Reply
  4. Robin

    Chris,

    You are definitely going in the right direction. You probably have no idea as to the scope of positive encouragement and inspiration you spread to others. Stay real — stay focused on God rather than your circumstances; you are definitely are a star of hope. Each of us who have had significant struggles and difficult circumstances in life have the ability to keep what we have learned and gone through to ourselves, or use the pain to help others. I’m thankful you choose to help others! Looking forward to reading more of your writing.

    Blessings to you today,

    Robin

    Reply
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